You know those days that just break you down? The kind of day where you are wondering why you had children in the first place? The kind of day where you are genuinely wondering if you are fit to be a mother? The kind of day where you are overcome with guilt for having these thoughts? Yea that was my day today.
My son was having a particularly difficult day. He has never been a great sleeper but slept even more poorly than usual the night before. As a result, we were both low on sleep and low on patience.
Even though he had gotten less sleep than he needed, it did nothing to damper his never ending energy. My son has enough energy to power a city for a year. I literally have no idea where he gets it from. He only has one speed and it is off the charts. On today, it was like normal but even more hyper and much fussier than usual.
There were moments when I was positive I had zero more patience left to give. And then I said a silent prayer and found the strength to keep going. At the end of the day, I was physically and mentally exhausted but felt invincible once I finally got him to bed.
My son deserves the kind of mother that has all the patience in the World. He may be difficult, he may be strong willed, he may be going through other developmental changes that are making that personality even more trying.
Regardless, he deserves a momma that can work with him. The one that is patient but firm. The one that knows when to give and the one that knows the way he needs to be guided. And you know what? I’m that momma.
I know that because I believe strongly that God never gives you anything that you can not handle. He gives you what you need. He gives you the challenges that will shape you into the person he needs you to be.
My son has made me a stronger person. He has made me see that I have far more patience than I ever thought I was capable of. That I have more love than I ever thought I could give.
He has given me wisdom and has made me more resilient. I may not be perfect and I may still have a lot more to learn on how to be the momma he needs me to be. I may get frustrated and I will make mistakes but I can be that momma.
I have already seen myself grow so much. He has given me that gift. God has given me the gift of growth and has blessed me with this sweet boy to make it possible. So even when I feel broken, when I feel like I have nothing left to give. That is what I will remember and I will take a deep breath, say a silent prayer, and keep going.